I’m fed up with women talking balls


EURO 2012 is here and my wife has suddenly developed an interest in football again.

I couldn’t help revisiting a polemic article I wrote during the 2006 World Cup, which created a bit of a storm.  It ended with me making an appearance on TV’s Richard and Judy to defend my stance – and face an angry feminist.

Here it is again for you to read and comment on. Remember, please, it’s tongue in cheek but I’d be pleased to read your comments.

WE’RE halfway through the World Cup – and I can take no more.

Not the football, that’s fine…it’s the wife talking about football that has to stop. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a male chauvinist.

And I love the sound of my wife’s voice – almost as much as she does. But I’m fed up with listening to her talking balls.

I snapped as she began wittering about changes in England’s midfield tactics.

Like millions of men, I’ve been left speechless by the sudden change that affects women every four years.

Whenever I brought footie into the conversation before the World Cup, I was told to shut up and stop being a bore.

Now, when the subject is raised, I can’t get a word in edgeways. Suddenly, she’s the fount of all knowledge on the subject. It doesn’t stop there. She’s even put an England flag on HER car. And a woman in an England shirt has now become the height of fashion and sexiness. Strange. When my son and I don our Liverpool shirts, she complains we look like “oiks”.

I can take that but her attempt to become a living room pundit drives me out of my armchair and up the wall. It’s also the frequent stating of the obvious, like: “The pitch looks green.” Or: “Ooh, that wasn’t very nice,” when a thug of a defender clatters through one of England’s few remaining fit strikers.

Then she shows her grasp of tactics by yelling “pass it” or “shoot” whenever a player has the ball – even if it is Paul Robinson taking a goal-kick.

It’s worst when she gets a female pal around and they discuss the merits of David Beckham or Thierry Henry.

Even this is just about bearable.

What I can’t stand is when she tries to show off her “knowledge” of the beautiful game. Even Sven’s got more nous. It’s painful.

Let’s admit the facts – women are genetically programmed not to understand the offside rule.

On Saturday, I’ll settle down to watch the England match with a beer in one hand and a red card in the other.

She has warned me that if I wave it at her she’ll exact revenge – I’ll be banned from going shopping with her. What a result!


What happens if both England and Sweden win all their group games?

How old is Nancy?

What? Another game? How many more are they playing?

Ooh, that was a big kick – when the goalie takes a goal-kick.

David Beckham’s changed his hair.

You’re not having another lager, are you?

Never mind, there’s always next time…

YOUR TURN, LADIES: GIRLS, just who is talking balls? Add your comments below!

One comment on “I’m fed up with women talking balls

  1. Rose J says:

    I suspect you’ve written this to wind us up because it seems your wife and some of her friends have wound you up. I support a Premiership team (one that has done rather well this season actually) but I admit I don’t go to all the matches or own a shirt of said club. I do understand the off-side rule. It is not the rocket science you seem to think it is. All women could understand it. Some just have no interest in understanding and fair play to them.
    I do own several England shirts – my very first a birthday present for my 16th birthday during Italia 90. I haven’t bought one for myself since Portugal 04. But that is not to say I may not in the future. I see at as being part of something and it is one time I feel I can celebrate a sport and my country. Yeah ok, it is always short lived and once it is over I don’t religiously watch Football every weekend during the season though I catch most of it.

    I have a huge gang of male friends that I watch the matches with. They never humour me or patronise me and think they quite like that this is one sporting event that I will encourage them to watch and can enjoy with them. I swear and shout as much as they do and it doesn’t bother them a jot. I do thin

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